its too complicated... only if you knew

No one

So what's the point of this when no one is ever here?

Even if all fall away, I will not

How is it that I'm almost always happy, but at the same time I feel like dying. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to, at least not yet. But this pain never goes away. I need someone who understands.

Just a little bit..

Its the little things that matter, It's the small things that I look at, its things like that that tells me how big of a person you really are.

what the hell are you suspose to do when you lost and theres no one here to save you? It just gets harder as the day comes.

BLG

So I just recently got (download) the new BLG album and its really different from their first one. I guess the title of the album Love Drunk really explains a lot about but I really like it. What I've been listening to the most is Two Is Better Than One with Taylor Swift. Martin and Taylor really sound good together lol. Well, I have a few songs from them on my playlist so feel free to listen and tell me if you like them or not.

So theres a nuclear holocaust and im the last man on earth, would you marry me?

Consideration

Sad isn't it? I thought it'd be to give you some constructive criticism about your work, but I guess you couldn't handle the truth about it. I know I've made mistakes in the past years but you had to go bring it up again to make you feel better. I admit it, I should spend my time somewhere else but I thought It'd be nice to come by. But it's all cool now, probably won't see me as much as you did the past week but I guess you would like that. I also hope you did take my advice on your work and you will take it into consideration. But other than that, good luck with life, you really need it.

Stuck

So its probably been a week since i've been here and it's not what I have imangined. I just tried to make the best out of my situation and see all the good that can come from it. It seems like i'm doing okay here and all but I'm actually not. Its been hard trying to balance off between the two worlds and its depressing going from one to another. I'm not really sure how long I can keep up with this but I hope it does pull through and I'll end up somewhere thats not here.

Comeback

Alright forreal tho, it's 3Am and we just did a long ass session of HoN (Heroes Of Newerth), yeah i know i'm a gaming nerd. But just right now Bpang told me that we should start blogging and TBOF. So I am going to try my best to update my life in this small box atleast a few times a week now and let all you creepers read how interesting I am.

Rant of The Day #1

Why doesn't anyone ever see me? They see Tony, 17 year old punk who likes to joke a lot and take absolutely nothing serious. But they don't see me, 17 year old lost soul who wishes to be found by that one pure soul who never judges. There's probably a handful of people that actually me but they're also lost n this big world of ours. But all we do is hide, we mask ourselves with this disguise so no one notices how lonely we all are, like me, Tony, 17 year old boy who jokes a lot and takes nothing seriously. Everyone likes a joker.

Containment is not healthy. When you contain your emotions, they get bottled up and that adds lots of stress into your body. Then your emotions are slowly released into your body causing harm. They travel thru your body slowly and painfully leaving you in misery. The best part is when it reaches into your eyes, because then your blinded vision becomes so visible that you are able to see the truth. You see all the lies thrown right into your face. You see how fake everyone is, but in return you see what you have became. You now are one sad son of a bitch. At least the pain hasn't hit your head yet or else you would be in an asylum or even better, dead.

Connect

Everyone strives for that one connection. Something as small as just eating the same food can just spark that feeling of not feeling alone. A lot of people like the feeling of others around them, but there are those who likes the isolation. I wish I could say i'm one of them but thats not me, I have constant mood swings that makes me feel one way and times where i feel another. This sparked my awareness of pursuing a future in psychology. Who knows, this may be one of those mood swings and maybe by tomorrow all will be forgotten and nothing i've said would matter.

Stressed

So I recently entered a dark point of my life. I hate to admit it but i've made poor decisions and when I decide to talk to someone that I personally believed that she cared about me turned on me. It was probably the first time i've talked to her in a while and thought that we could catch up but it ended up with her ripping me into pieces. I need to take a break from life, all of this unnecessary noise and go to somewhere peaceful and quiet. I need time, but for now, I don't think I can be around her.